Thy Heartless New Yorkers shalt no longer Covet our Dear Mauer

November 24, 2009 at 7:44 pm 4 comments

I just read yet another article from a Yankees fan about Mauer playing for the Yankees in 2011. You’ll notice on that link that I already have expressed my thoughts to that author. This strikes me as the most disgusting aspect of the Yankees fanbase and front office. They believe they are entitled to anyone. ANYONE they feel like.

Hey Jeter’s gettin’ old how bout Tulowitzki?

Yeah I spose we could pony up Montero for him.

God if Cashman doesn’t pull the trigger I’m gonna be pissed.

Hey you think he’ll hit 40 bombs with the short porch in right?

At least. If not I’ll boo so fuckin’ hard.

You see, Yankees fans follow this simple formula of perverse entitlement.

Step one: Propose a theory of what position the Yankees have a need for, then suggest one of the best players at that position, throughout baseball, regardless of that player’s contract situation, or his own feelings about where he would like to play.

Step two: Suggest what it would take to acquire said player. The top prospect in the organization? A 10 year contract? It doesn’t matter; you root for the Yankees and they can afford anything.

Step three: Express your feelings were this hypothetical acquisition to come to fruition. This is often anger, and blame is put upon the man in charge, very often Brian Cashman. Failure to acquire the player you desire is ‘cheapness.’

Step four: Predict the coveted player’s performance, given the new circumstances he will encounter in New York.

Step five: Mobilize against the player in case he underperforms for your Yankees. Taunts are brain stormed.


See what I did there, Schmitty, I called him Tulo – CHOKE – Ski. It’s his name except he chokes.

Ohhh I see what you did there!

And this brings us to Joe Mauer. If, in fact, he explores free agency next year, he will likely be the most desirable free agent.. perhaps ever. He’s a young, hall of fame, CATCHER. He’s perfect at pretty much everything. And he’ll be entering his prime. But you know what, I fervently believe that the Twins will sign him this offseason. I have a few theories as to why:

1) The entire Midwest would get sooooo pissed if Mauer becomes a Yankee. Mauer is in his prime and he’s playing for an annual contender. He’s from St. Paul. He owns a bunch of Minnesota high school records. There would be riots if he signed with the Yankees for slightly more money. You say that Kevin Garnett and Johan Santana and Torii Hunter and Randy Moss all left for big markets. I say that Garnett was past his prime and needed to win something at his age. The Wolves window of winning had closed, and KG needed to move on. I feel like most Minnesota sports fans understood this. Johan Santana was a pitcher. He played every five days. He was beloved, but he wasn’t our own. He wasn’t really embraced by Minnesota until 2002-2003. He was showing signs of decline. And he turned down a 120M offer from the Twins. It was sad, but he had to go as well. The Twins just didn’t have the money for him. Torii Hunter was going to command a ridiculous salary given his age how other clubs would overrate his performance (He’s not a great center fielder anymore, and he hasn’t been for a while). He also was kind of a prick, always getting injured and then demonizing Mauer for being fragile. We had a ton of center fielders in the pipeline; it made sense to let Torii go. And like I said, at the time, the Twins didn’t have the cash for him. As for Moss, well, he is a crazy asshole. It took a while, but the Vikings recovered.

2) The Twins have the money now! They have payroll room to begin with (At about 83M projected for 2010), and anticipate additional revenues from Target Field next year. Bill Smith himself said he envisions the Twins being a middle market team from now on. Middle market teams don’t go after the big name free agents all the time, but they certainly retain their own players when they need to. And the Twins need Mauer. Furthermore, baseball’s current highest paid catcher is Jorge Posada at 13.1M. Give Mauer 20M annually, as suggested by Joe Christenson, and you make Mauer the highest paid catcher in baseball. By 65 PERCENT. Justin Morneau has suggested a 6 year extension. 6 years and 120 Million? The Twins can probably outdo that number if need be, considering that they offered Santana around that amount.

A shortstop! Happy, Joe?

3) Everything seems to be leading up to an extension. The whole front office seems to be pandering to Mauer, trying to keep him as happy as possible. He wanted trades this season to turn the team into a contender, and Bill Smith went out and got Pavano, Cabrera and Rauch. Those were three impact players, acquired during the season. THAT DOESN”T HAPPEN IN MINNESOTA. The last time an impact player was added during the season to spur on a playoff run, it was 2003, and Terry Ryan went out and traded Bobby Kielty for Shannon Stewart. That’s one player. Not three. Right after your best player tells you to do something. The Twins consulted Mauer on even trivial matters, like the new uniforms. They got J.J. Hardy! Since when do the Twins go out and get the exact player that every Twins blogger wants? Never. They’re trying to show Mauer they are committed to winning, and he has to be pretty impressed with what’s been done.

4) Kirby Puckett. This always gives me a little hope. When he received his 3 year, 9M dollar contract in 1989, he had played for 6 years with the Twins. Wait.. Joe Mauer has played for us for 6 years. For Puckett, it was the richest contract ever given to a baseball player at the time. He has the same agent as Mauer, Ron Shapiro. I’m just saying.

And what greater thrill than to give the finger to millions of disappointed New York Yankee fans.

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Offseason Diatribe – Cleveland Indians Looking at Free Agents and Trade Targets – Second Basemen

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Lisa from Subway Squawkers  |  November 25, 2009 at 9:04 am

    I can’t tell you how pleased I was to read your response to my coveting Mauer, and to see that you also did a whole blog entry about the subject. Whoo-hoo!

    Anyhow, here’s what I wrote in response:

  • 2. Officer Blog  |  November 25, 2009 at 9:32 am

    Ha! Wonderful! This is the most fascinating, and fun, aspect of blogging, I feel. Whoo-hoo indeed!

  • 3. Heineken-77  |  November 25, 2009 at 8:35 pm

    Love your comment on

  • 4. JimDixon  |  November 27, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    Good grief, man. Pull yourself together. What is this nonsense about Mauer leaving breaking the “collective hearts” of an entire region. Are you ten years old?

    Since you presume to speak for all us living in this region, let me clue you in to what the people wearing the big boy pants know. Professional athletes are modern day mercenaries. Most of the time they are going to work for the man or woman that pays him or her the most money. Sometimes they allow other considerations to influence their decisions where to play. Whatever they decide, those of us who left the sign waving and face painting in the high school bleachers of our youth — those of us who choose not to trivialize our own existence by making idols of the undereducated, semi-literate jock classes — don’t allow these decisions to trigger heart break.

    That’s not to say that we don’t enjoy watching athletes perform. But we wouldn’t dream of wearing another man or woman’s name our back, even if they were world renown surgeons or artists or philanthropes. Why would we wear a baseball player’s name on our back, much less allow his career choices to destabilize us emotionally?

    How about a thought experiment? Suppose you died the morning Joe Mauer won the MVP. Joe Mauer still wins the MVP, right? Now suppose you had died on opening day. Joe Mauer still wins the MVP, right? Noqw suppose you had never been never born. Joe Mauer still wins the MVP, right?

    The point is that you, personally — not the community, but YOU — were responsible for that MVP performance only insofar as your cheering and your tax dollars facilitated it. And because your cheering and tax dollars were, relatively speaking, a drop in an ocean of cheering and tax dollars, your “slice of responsibility” in that performance is so miniscule as compared to the whole of that responsibility as to make your share all but meaningless.

    If you demonstrated your Joe Mauer pride in the real world – if you demonstrated this pride in a grown up place where one’s ownership claims are expected to be commensurate with the responsibility one has in that performance — you’d be pitied as a feeble-minded nincompoop for exhibiting the pride of ownership over Joe Mauer and his performances that you demonstrate in this exchange with the New York blogger.

    Of course fellows like you — fellows who take their sports so seriously as to post this kind of tripe — have every right to parade around the blogosphere wearing another man’s laurels if you like. But know that to a silent minority out here, a minority whose “collective heart” beats to a far different rhythm than your own, you look exceedingly stupid doing it.


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